Fair Food Showdown

It’s that time of year when state fairs across the country are coming to a close.  And that means, there’s no end to the number newly developed artery clogging, calorie-loaded fatty bombs that have found their way into our minds, mouths and tummies.

Any discussion of state fairs and fried food must, without a doubt, include the Texas State Fair.  The State Fair of Texas has even registered it’s unofficial tagline: “The Fried Food Capital of Texas.”

True to it’s tagline, Big Tex did not disappoint.  Here are three deep fried sensations that made it onto the 2010 Big Tex Choice Awards:

Texas Fried FRITOS Pie — Winner of Best Taste

Imagine taking a bite out of the Texas Fried Fritos Pie — a greasy, Fritos-battered popper filled with chili and sharp cheddar. Mmm.

The Big Tex site says that this smooth medley of hot, meaty, crunchy, salty, cheesy, oozing goodness will transport you back to the golden age of Fair Food.

Sounds interesting, but I’m not convinced these Pies will transport me back to the “golden age” of fair food.  All it would take to accomplish that feat is to wave a freshly fried corn dog right in front of me.  And no, not those bastard corndogs that you find in the frozen section, but good old meat on a stick that’s freshly dunked in cornmeal batter and deep fried right before my very eyes.

Fried Beer — Winner of Most Creative

This creation is a deep fried, beer-filled pretzel pocket.  Supposedly, one bite into the crisp, golden pocket delivers a gushing, all-in-one dipping sauce for that freshly fried pretzel.

Certainly creative. But I can’t stop myself from obsessing over one fatal flaw… who wants warm, er, hot beer?

Deep Fried S’mores Pop Tart

The base for this concoction is a s’mores flavored pop tart that’s battered and deep fried.  The dish is served up with a drizzling of chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

Out of all eight winners of the 2010 Big Tex Choice Awards, this dish seems most deserving of a “Least Creative Award”.  The only thing that really stands out with this dish is that — once again — someone decided to plop yet another edible item into a vat of very hot oil.  Oh but wait,  it’s also drizzled with chocolate and served up with a dollop of whipped cream.

Garnish or no garnish, this one is certainly nowhere as creative as the fried beer, or deep fried frozen margarita, or Fernie’s fried club salad — all of which made it onto the 2010 Big Tex Choice Awards short list.  Yeah.  You read it right. That last one was fried salad.

I wouldn’t hate on her if she smelled like fried food

…that’s what @wwwdotjenna Tweeted back in January of ’08, and it’s been lodged in my mind ever since.

It’s got me thinking about the wide world of fried food.  Not just your run-of-the-mill French fries, but golden foods that stretch the mind’s imagination (or repulsion).

On the one hand, we’ve got the lowbrow side of fried with French-Fry Coated Bacon on a Stick…  mmmm. bacon.

And on the other hand is the highbrow side of fried…

…with Emeril Lagasse’s Fried Duck Confit with Blueberry Sauce.

I admit, the “Blueberry Sauce” portion of this menu item doesn’t sound all that enticing… at first.  But with a closer look, you see that this sauce calls for a lavish, mouthwatering duck stock reduction spiked with the sweet richness of port.  Port is the bridge here.  It’s combination of deep, earthy flavors and rich sweetness helps to ease blueberries into the savory spectrum (and away from all those images of pies and muffins I’m sure you were picturing).

But I’m a realist.  Despite the fact that I can’t stop my mouth from watering over the mere thought of fried duck, I willingly admit that my chances of eating French-Fry Coated Bacon on a Stick are — sadly — much greater than those of savoring Fried Duck Confit with Blueberry Sauce.

Emeril’s recipe points out that cooking time alone is about 10 hours for that dish! And that doesn’t include prep time.  Oh right. And if I was seriously inclined to prepare this recipe, I would need to round up two whole duck carcases just for the stock reduction.  Last time I checked, duck ‘aint cheap.

I’ve got a craving. I checked prices on whole duck a couple weeks ago. Needless to say, I brought home chicken.

Hot, Limp Pickle

Seriously. That’s what you get when…

you drop a
several week/month/year-old pickle
— who’s suspended succulence —
— was made possible thanks to a high-acid bath —
into a very, very, very
hot vat of splitter, splattering oil.

Images of hot, limp pickles danced through my mind as I challenged myself to experience this abomination of an otherwise crunchy, tangy little treat.

Ever-so-bravely, I took the plunge. Not surprisingly, the outside was fried to a perfect golden, greasy little crispity crisp. Also not surprisingly, the inside — the actual pickle — was warm and soggy.

I took one bite and couldn’t finish.

Yeah, yeah. I blog smack about these nasty little GI bombs. But in all fairness, (or simply to twist things up a bit), I should share that my two dinner comrades found the contradictory soggy/crunchy pickle combination to their liking.

Still, the most impressive element of this bold experience — hands down — were my comrades’ fried-pickle comments:

“I can see it on an omelet. Really.”

“It’s like a vege alternative.”

“Ketchup on fried pickles. It’s like white trash on top of white trash,” she said with a big dollop of catsup on the end of her pickle.

“Fried pickle belch is not the tastiest.”

Our fried pickles were scrounged up at Fire on the Mountain.
Thanks, guys.
For an experienc.e