It Takes More Than One…

…dedicated and wildly creative person to throw a seriously magnificent Beast Feast.

Major props to Cat — co-mother of Beast Feast and to Dan — who is the beast and co-planner.

Thanks for joining forces for a terrific 2nd Annual Beast Feast!

The Story of Beast Feast

Over the course of hundreds and thousands of years, the original Beast Feast villagers scattered across the globe. Eventually their culture and heritage — including this festive celebration — faded into the lost annals of history.

…until now, when Molly Johnson (aka @piratemolly) brings to us The Second Annual Beast Feast — a momentous revival of a lost tradition.

And, as designated historian, I am obligated to tell the story of The Beast Feast…

Long ago, a horrible beast creature was gobbling up people. I mean really gobbling them… Like ultra hungry ogres herding lambs to the uber-commercialized-disassembly-line-style slaughter house.

Not a pretty sight. The beast made man kabobs, deep-fried man, grilled Sam and Sally sandwiches w/ a side of slaw… the list goes on. Its culinary creativity was rivaled only by its insatiable blood lust.

Some have theorized that the beast had an eating disorder. And, being the only one of its kind, had succumbed to binge eating as a way to mask its painful isolation. That it binged on humans is thought to be merely a matter of coincidence, as the village was conveniently located next to the beast’s lair. Others have proposed that the beast’s man-flesh carnage was due to a physiological drug-induced addiction. The theorized culprit: the human pituitary gland. All it took was one. Just one little pituitary gland. After that, there was no curbing the craving.

In a desperate and rather unsophisticated act of defense, the villagers resorted to beating the man-eating beast with long sticks. This startled the creature. But it was eventually the beast’s severe allergy to sap from the Juniper tree which was its ultimate undoing. After many beatings with sticks plucked from the village Juniper trees, the beast finally fell (as did the overly and brutishly pruned Juniper trees).

After destroying the beast, the people feasted – bare handed – on its magnificent meat, both tender and juicy. (It’s suspected that the juniper helped flavor and tenderize the beast flesh – not to omit the likely tenderizing effect of the beatings.)

Since the villagers’ victory, the people vouched to commemorate the slaying and the feasting on the beast with an annual celebration. A reenactment of slaying the beast with sticks is carried out. And, true to the people’s barehanded consumption of roasted beast, the commemorations always called for feasting merrily on foods using no silverware.

Hence, the piñata and sans silverware convivium at the annual Beast Feast.

2nd Annual Beast Feast is Upon Us

The 2nd Annual Beast Feast is slated to kick off tonight, right here in Portland, Oregon! Be prepared to consume a delectable array of food stuff — all with your bare hands.  Oh yes, and channel those aggressive tendencies because you’ll need them when it comes time to ferociously whack at the traditional Beast Feast piñata — which very well may be filled with little plastic army guys, carrots and random paying cards.

But really, what is Beast Feast you ask? Here’s the official event notice pulled straight from the Beast Feast event page on FaceBook…

The Second Annual Beast Feast…!!

Food without utensils (meat! pie! meat pie!), yummy jello-shooters, Beast Feast Cake, a piñata with mystery prizes, 2nd quarter resolutions, and the Beast Feast activity (TBA). Other ridiculous Beast Feast holiday rituals to be announced…or not.

Please bring:
1. Food item to share that can be eaten with fingers but isn’t necessarily meant to be. No stews or soups, please, unless you bring your own tarp.

2. A beer/alcoholic liquid/cola if you don’t like two buck chuck or coors. Or jello.

3. A friend. Or three. Just RSVP–or you may not get your treat from the Beast.

*Suggestions for activities this year’s festival holiday are welcome though the committee will make all final decisions.

To give you a better idea of Beast Feast, here are a few windows into last year’s celebration…

WELCOME

RULES OF BEAST FEAST

BEAST FEAST FESTIVITIES

THE Piñata

~

Many thanks to Molly for organizing last year’s and this year’s Beast Feast!